We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
