when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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