he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize