My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
