My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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