fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
