So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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