my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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