My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
