Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
