Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
