I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
This baby is an asshole
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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