drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
