just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
