glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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