the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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