EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
