i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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