Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize