fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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