His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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