My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Im part way to drunk.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
