Got a toothbrush?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
