i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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