I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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