So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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