Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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