My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
