i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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