I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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