Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
