Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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