He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
