You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
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