paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
