I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
