Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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