i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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