these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
