you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
