we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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