i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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