when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She's the barista slut.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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