I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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