doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
