also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
