Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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