I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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