My balls are so social today.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
