Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize