just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Never joke about your clitoris.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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