Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
