so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
