To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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