If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
