Having a random hookup so left but love u
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
