my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
