Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
