im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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