Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
