Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
