sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
