....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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