I just made out with a guy for $7.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
