i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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