The maid of honor just puked.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
