The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
