matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
