It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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