By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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